For those who missed the point.

(Walks out onto stage, steps up to platform, takes cue cards out of coat's front pocket, and begins speaking)

I am Iro- Wait, wrong card... I am Spartac- I am not a- Four score and seven... (checks cards a few more times, then tosses them behind head and returns to speaking)

The reason I am here today to give this speech is because we've been getting a lot of feedback through various channels regarding our "Truth!" article, and while quite a lot of it was positive and constructive, it seems that a fair number of you have misunderstood a few things about that particular bit of totty, and we'd like to clear some of them up.

Firstly, no, we don't believe the nonsense we reported as 'the truth'. Tifa a summoner, Aerith an Eidolon, and Cloud a bisexual woman? About as canon as your Mary Sue insertion fanfic, only more coherent. Why, then, was such an article was written? It was a satire, a mockery of the methods by which the Clerii 'prove' how oh so very much in love they claim Cloud and Aerith are. Though we did overestimate many of your intellects, in a way, we suppose we should take the inability of many of you to realize this as satire as a compliment. The best satire is the one that you aren't entirely sure if it's serious or not, after all.

Nextly, we have heard word that some are complaining that "FFG never said that!", and that "[We]'re putting words in her mouth." To the first statement, I respond that we never said she did. If you were reading the article- and in certain cases, had the reading comprehension of a fourth grader- you'd know that the article actually began by calling FFG's conclusions wrong, and then goes on to present 'the truth' instead. As for "putting words into her mouth", upon review of our article, the only thing directly attributed to FFG was that she says that games outside of FF7 and its immediate sequels and prequels contain proof about whom Cloud loves, something which she (and her allies) does say.

We do accept and respect criticism here at DesFail, provided you are able to locate the proper channels, but please, in the future, read before you react. Read closely. It saves you the shame of misunderstanding, and us the tedium of ruining the joke by having to explain it to you.

Thank you for your attention, dear readers, and we promise to resume normal operating schedule just as soon as we are provided with a couple more juicy morsels to report.